The New Girl
by noticemeplsoppa
Summary: There's a new girl in town, she's not like the other girls, she's a tomboy, she's an honorary guy. What drama can one single girl create?
1. Prologue

South Park was a small mountain town, Jessica Anderson had heard all about how they apparently had to deal with with a Mecha-Barbra Streisand, time-travelers and zombies. She begged her parents to move there because she _wanted_ to experience some adventures.

Jessica was an adrenaline junkie, she absolutely loved anything that was considered dangerous, tall and slim, straight black hair, shimmering grey eyes, she was beautiful. That was at least what her old school said to her, she never believed them, ever.

"Honey! Are you ready to go?"

"Almost done Mom!" Came a feminine voice. Jessica stuffed the rest of her clothes into one giant suitcase and bolted downstairs. "Now i'm ready to go."

"Bring that outside, your father is waiting." And with that, she walked out the door to the car and passed her massive suitcase to her father who staggered under its weight.

"GAH! What is in here?!"

"Stuff…"

"How much stuff do you need?!"

"A lot of stuff Dad. I'm a girl."

"Just like your mother…"

"That's right! Just like mother!" Mr. Anderson then proceeded to stuff the grey suitcase into the already stuffed trunk. Not long after, Mrs. Anderson stepped out of the house, they all climbed into the car and saying their farewells to their house for good.

"How long is the ride?" Jessica said no 10 minutes into the ride.

"Like 8 hours."

"Holy shit!"

"Holy shit indeed, you better not be regretting this idea Jess."

"I won't mom, I promise!"

"Good, now why don't you take a nap."

"Mkay."


	2. A Tour

8 uneventful hours later, Mr. Anderson shakes his daughter for her to wake up.

"Wake up 'Sica. We're here." Jessica's eyes snapped open.

"We're here?! Really?!"

"Yes darling, take a look…" Jessica looked behind him, she saw nice little houses with snow everywhere, people every so often stopping and looking at the new family that had moved in.

Just across the street, there were two boys throwing around a football. One of them turned around to look at the girl who was looking around with just so much enthusiasm.

"Token! Check out that new girl!" Craig whispered to his friend.

"Who? Where?"

"Across the street! Now look!" He said discreetly tilting his head in her direction.

"God damn…" Token said as his jaw dropped, "She's hot as hell…"

"I know, now close your mouth before something goes in. We gotta tell everybody!" Token snapped his mouth shut with a _snap_. Jessica felt someone staring at her, she then turned to face to two boys across from her new house and waved a hand at them.

The two guys were stunned at how bright her smile was and waved back.

"Thinks she's going to school with us?"

"Of course she is! She's probably in our grade to!" Craig snapped and pulled out his phone and punched in numbers.

"Dude, Clyde. You know that house across from me that was bought?

" _Yeah, why?"_

"Holy shit! The girl who moved in is hot as hell!"

" _Really?!"_

"Yeah! So hot that Token can't keep his mouth shut! I need you to tell _everybody_! Okay?"

" _Got it! I'll call up Bebe and tell her to spread it to as much girls as possible."_

"Good, talk to you later, she's coming out of her house now."

" _Send me a pic if possible, bye!"_

"Now's our chance dude, let's show her around!" They then ran up to her.

"H-hey, I see that you're new here h-huh?"

"Yeah! My name's Jessica! But you can call me Jessi, Jess, or 'Sica! What about you guys?"

"W-well my name's Token Black, and this i-is Craig Tucker."

Jessica looked at Craig's hat and instantly fell in love with it. "Your hat's sweet dude…"

"W-wha?..."

"I said your hat's sweet dude…" Craig and Token instantly exchanged glances.

"Well a-anyways, would you like us to show you around the town?"

"That would be great!"

"Well first of all, I live right across from you, in that brown house over there." Craig pointed out first, "Token lives on the rich side of town."

They walked further down the road, only to stop at the community centre.

"This is the Community Centre, basically where we take shelter if anything 'dangerous' happens."

"How often is the town in danger?" Jessica said excitedly.

"Pretty often, why?"

"That's awesome!"

"Anyways, just past it is our school, I could come take you to school if you want."

"Really Craig?!"

"Y-yeah." He said with a faint redness in his cheeks.

"Oh that's so nice of you!" And _hugged_ him. Craig Tucker got hugged. By a girl. A hot girl.

Craig didn't know what to do with his arms, and so he was left flailing his arms behind her. She then let go of the normally stoic boy who was now blushing profusely.

' _Lucky bastard, got a hug from possibly the prettiest girl in South Park...'_

Jessica saw the lonely look in Token's eyes and felt bad for him and gave him a hug too. Craig felt an urge to punch Token all the sudden.

"W-well moving on, we better show the rest of the town to you because school is tomorrow." Craig said through his blush.

"Now if you go up this street, there is Stark's Pond, the Church and Police Station on your right, on your left is the City Hall and the main street we shop at which we will take you later." They moved further up to see Jimbo's Guns and City Wok.

They turned to the right and walked past the South Park Mall and Token's house. "Now here is the Theater, our friend Tweek's coffee shop," They slipped into the coffee shop to get some for the cold winter day. "...U-Stor It and the Park."

They found a small bench there to take a break and actually get to know each other.

"This is a pretty nice town…"

"It is isn't it?" Token said with enthusiasm.

"So Jess… What do you like to do?" Craig asked tentatively, he really hoped that she wasn't like one of _those_ girls like Wendy and Bebe.

"Well, back in Utah, I would like to play football, volleyball, basketball, tennis and a bit of badminton. I liked crafting, baking, cooking and other stuff."

"Sweet… I think you're gonna be great friends with the guys, but maybe not the girls though."

"Why?"

"All they ever talk about is guys, clothes, makeup, and Kim Kardashian…"

"Oh god!"

"I know right?! Oh and one more thing, stay away from a fatass named Eric Cartman."

"Why Token? What's so bad about this Cartman guy?"

"He's a racist, sexist, egotistical bastard!"

"He does sound like a bastard."

"You should also try to keep your distance around a guy named Stan Marsh when he's dating a girl named Wendy." Jessica's and Token's head turned to the chullo-wearing boy.

"Why only when he's dating her?"

"Yeah Craig, why? Stan's not that bad, Wendy isn't either."

"If you're within a 10 feet radius to him, she'll assume you're trying to take him from her. Possessive little bitch she is."

"What does he look like then?"

"Usually around the fatass, and looks like me."

"A clone?"

"Close, a lookalike."

Once they were all finished with their drinks, they got up to explore the last bit of the town.

* * *

The boys walked the new girl back to her brand new house.

"So how do you like South Park?" Token asked.

"I think i'm starting to fall in love with it honestly."

"Almost forgot by the way, can we get your number?"

"Sure! Absolutely!" And whipped out her phone to input them into her contacts.

"So i'll come over to your house tomorrow at 7?" Craig said hopefully.

"Definitely! All you have to do is knock! Do you guys want to have dinner with us?"

"Oh no, it's okay, we've already eaten."

"Well, okay! See you guys tomorrow!" And disappeared into her house.

"I am sooo happy right now, you don't even know." Craig said in his usual monotone voice

"I know how you feel right now, we even got her number!"

"Makes me wonder how much the news has spread."

"Probably to everyone I bet."

"Well I get to see her first in the morning."

"Lucky bastard."

"Well anyways, Call of Duty?"

"Totally!"

Everybody in South Park slept peacefully in their beds that night, unknowing of what drama Jessica Anderson would bring to their small mountain town.


	3. First Day Troubles

Jessica woke up early, glancing at the clock, it read 5:15. She was excited for the first day of school in this new town of hers, she was also excited to see Craig, he was pretty hot.

She quickly made her way to the bathroom to fulfill her morning routine and quickly put on her outfit for the day, it wasn't too overdone, just a brown jacket, black leggings, a brown beanie, combat boots and a dark blue scarf.

Walking downstairs with an extra spring in her step, she made her way to the kitchen where she made breakfast for her lovely family that she knew would be waking up soon.

Time flew by and her parents started to come to the table for Jessica's legendary breakfast. She also packed extra for her lunch, just in case anybody wanted some.

She was just finishing up with the dishes when she heard a knock.

' _Must be Craig!"_

She straightened herself up before opening the door.

"Hi!"

"H-hey, you ready?"

"Yup! Just lemme get my bag and we can be off, did you want anything to eat before we leave?"

"That's okay."

"Well, shall we be on our way then?"

"Definitely." Jessica then hooked her arm into Craig's which surprised him, though he'd usually never let anybody do this to him, it somehow felt nice with her.

* * *

"You guys! You guys! You'll never believe it!"

"Believe what Cartman?" The Craig clone said irritably to his fat friend.

"You know how Craig said that there house across from was bought?"

"Yeah… Go on…"

"Clyde called me up last night saying that yesterday when she moved in, Token's mouth wouldn't shut!"

"She must be pretty hot then." Kenny said with excitement.

"She must've been _really_ hot for Craig to call Clyde at 2 o' clock on a Sunday!"

"Yeah, _really_ hot."

* * *

"Do you want me to take to the Principal's Office?"

"No, it's okay, I don't want you to be late for class."

"That's to bad Jessi, i'm taking you to the Principal's Office and that's final. Okay?"

"O-oh okay, if you don't mind being late for class then, I guess it's okay."

"I'm always late for class." Craig then stocked down the empty halls to their destination.

"Principal Shannon, I have the new student with me."

"Come on in then Mr. Tucker."

"Ah, Jessica Anderson is it?"

"That's me." Jessica said nervously.

"Here is your timetable, and Craig, here's a pass you can give your teacher for being late."

"Thanks," They were then ushered out of the office. "Show me your timetable."

"Here you go."

"Looks like you've got 1st, 2nd. and 4th period with me today. We should get to class now."

"Yeah!"

* * *

"Okay, so who can tell me why this happens when you ad- Come in."

"Good morning Mr. Felonski."

"Is there a valid reason that you are late, _again_ , Craig?"

"Yeah, took Jessica to get her timetable, _and_ I have a pass."

"Craig you lucky bastard!" Token shouted at him.

"You're just jealous that I got to see Jessi first." He said smugly

"Yes I am!" People were whispering among themselves about 'Jessica.'

"Is she with you Mr. Tucker?"

"Yeah, behind the door."

"Alright then, take your seat Craig, and come on in Ms. Anderson!" The door slowly opened to reveal herself.

"Now then, please introduce yourself to the class."

"Uh, um… Hi guys, my name is Jessica Anderson, I came from Utah, and I just moved into town. You can call me Jessica, Jessi, or 'Sica"

"DAMN!" Every single guy yelled out. All except for Token and Craig.

"Settle down class, Jessi, you can sit next to Craig and Stan over there in the back." As she made her way to her new desk, she could feel everybody's eyes on her, especially a girl with a pink beret, _she_ was burning holes into her skull.

Craig could sense her nervousness and leaned over to her ear to whisper something that made her giggle. For the guys, it was like music to their ears.

Stan could not for the life of him keep his eyes off the new girl, he already had a girlfriend, so why was he staring at the new girl? He tore his eyes of the new eye candy when he felt Wendy glare at him.

' _Ugh, what is she wearing?!'_ Bebe wrote and passed over to Wendy.

' _Don't know, but she's trying to steal Stan from me!'_

' _I don't think so, she's only paying attention to Craig.'_

' _But still! Look at how he's staring at her!'_ Bebe looked over to Stan's desk, and there he was, staring at the new girl without stopping, actually every guy was staring at her, even Clyde!

"Clyde! What are you doing!" She whispered to him furiously.

"W-wha?!" Upset that he had to tear his attention away from the black-haired beauty so soon.

"I asked why you are checking out that new girl?!"

"Oh it's because she could be Craig's girlfriend." He lied quickly.

"Better be." She grumbled.

* * *

"Dude! The new girl is HOT!"

"I know! She has a great rack!" Came Kenny's happy muffled reply.

"Too bad Craig likes her."

"The new girl is sooo ugly!" Cartman said superiorly.

"In what way is she ugly fatass?"

"She just is, you Jew." At that precise moment, she walked out the doors with Craig's gang.

"What's up ugly skank?" Jessica slowly turned her head to stare at the dickwad that said that to her.

"The fuck was that, fatass?"

"I'm not fat! I'm big boned!"

"Oh really?" She then pulled out and X-Ray of an obese person. "This, is the X-Ray of an obese person, AKA you, you are 80% fat dumbass."

"OH SHIT!" Everybody in the yard yelled as they saw what was going down.

"I'm big boned you fucking ugly ass skank!" Cartman yelled into her face.

"At least I admit that i'm ugly and not in denial like you, fucktard!" And flipped the infamous Craig Tucker.

"BURNED!"

"At least i'm not a skank like you, hoe!" That seemed to be the last straw for Jessica as she roundhouse kicked the tub of lard in the face.

"GAH! You bitch!"

"GODDAMN!" Jessica then made a move for her bag and pulled out a heavy metal bat.

"Listen up and listen well fatass." She said in a low voice, "The next fucking time you want to start shit like this, i'll be hit you with this."

"HA! You can't hurt a fucking fly bitch! You're a girl!" Jessica swung the bat as hard as she could into the Cartman's fat rolls which knocked him off his feet.

"Like I said, next time you want to fucking start shit like this, i'll hit you with my bat." She then found a nice little corner and pulled out a pack of cigarettes.

"Any of you smoke?" They all raised their hand. "Want one?" they nodded and she handed them out. They huddled close to each other to light the ends of their cigarettes.

They were just about to light another stick until Kyle asked them if they wanted to play football.

"You coming?"

"Yeah, just a sec… Let's go then." They walked onto the field together with a shocked Kyle.

"Girls aren't allowed here!" Cartman yelled.

"I'm gonna play."

"But we're play _football_." Stan clarified.

"I know, I _play_ football." Everybody was mindblown by this.

"Girls can't play football! It's a man's sport!" Cartman screamed once again.

"Like how girls can't beat up guys?"

"Yeah! Girls are way too fucking weak for anything! Just go and make me a fucking sandwich!" She then menacingly brought her bat up again.

"You wanna go for another round?"

"Y-you know what? Fuck this! I don't wanna play a game with some _girl!_ "

"Well anyways, I guess you can take Cartman's position as our team's quarterback."

"Thought he would have been a lineman with all his fat."

"I know right?" and laughed together. Wendy had come to cheer her man on but had saw what was going down and got mad, was he picking the slut over her? His GIRLFRIEND?

* * *

"That was an awesome game guys!" Jessica said happily.

"Yeah! You were great out there Jess!"

"You like totally rock at football 'Sica!" She was getting tons of praises from the guys as the break ended.

"You gonna sit with us at lunch Jessi?" Craig asked.

"Yeah! We'll introduce you to the guys officially!"

"Definitely!" They all then made their way to the cafeteria.

The second they stepped in, all noise ceased. Moments later, all the guys started cheering for the new girl. They all dragged her to a secluded corner.

"Jessica, we have all decided that you shall be an honorary guy. Do you accept?" Token read dramatically off a script. She nodded.

"Jessica Anderson has accepted to be an honorary guy! From this day forward, ye shant be called Jessica! Ye shall be called Jessi! Or 'Sica!" Jessi then saw an adorable short blonde boy come up to her with a head wreath on a pillow.

"Now, Jessi Anderson, please get on a knee as we need to slip this over your head to signify that you are truly an honorary guy as well as the Queen!" She did as told and the boy slipped the wreath carefully over her dark locks.

"Oh hamburgers! You're the only girl to have ever been crowned as an honorary guy!" The boy said.

"And your name is?" Jessi asked.

"It's Leopold Stotch! But everybody only calls me Butters!"

"Why are you so ADORABLE?!" And pulled him into her _very_ ample bosom. Butters was having the time of his life, but he couldn't breathe very well though.

Every single guy that was looking on was green with envy, Butters nearly suffocated if it wasn't for Craig pulling them apart.

"Why did you do that Craig?!"

"He was about to suffocate to death." Jessi's contorted with horror.

"Oh my god! I am soo sorry honey." all the while hugging him from the side.

"What the fuck is going on in there?" Wendy said as she heard squeals from inside the circle of guys.

"I don't know Wendy… I don't know…" Bebe sighed. They then saw Clyde rolling a huge round pool float over to the circle of guys. But all the sudden they saw the new girl getting lifted on the float with all the guys under. Including Stan.

"What. The. FUCK?!"

Everybody turned to her.

"WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING STANLEY MARSH?!"

"Oh shit…" Said the guy in trouble by his girlfriend. "I-is there something wrong W-Wendy?"

"YES THERE IS SOMETHING WRONG! WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU WITH THAT SKANK?!"

"W-who's the 'Skank'?"

"THAT SKANK!" She screamed while pointing to Jessi.

"Jessi's no skank." Stan defended.

"SO SHE'S 'JESSIE' NOW HUH?!"

"Yeah, what about it?"

"SHE'S STEALING YOU AWAY FROM ME!"

"In what way?" Jessi suddenly said.

"SHUT UP YOU FUCKING WHORE!" Wendy screamed.

"WHY DON'T YOU SHUT THE FUCK UP BITCH?!"

"YEAH! YOU CAN'T FUCKING SAY THAT TO A FELLOW GUY!"

"I FEEL SO FUCKING BAD FOR STAN HAVING TO DEALING WITH YOUR BITCHING ASS!"

Those were just some of the things that the guys screamed at Wendy. To them, Jessi was the Queen.

"Stan… You have 5 seconds to explain yourself about why you are with that WHORE!"

"She's not a fucking whore Wendy! She covers up more than you _and_ your friends combined!" Wendy was taken back by that, Stan had never gone against anything she said.

"FINE! I guess since you love that bitch so much! We're through!"

"Good riddance!"

"Wait what?!"

"I said… GOOD RIDDANCE WENDY!"

"B-but you love me…"

"No I don't and haven't since 5th grade."

"THIS ISN'T OVER BITCH!" And ran out with tears pouring out her eyes.

"Lemme down please. Well isn't that a turn of events? Good thing I recorded it." Jessi said.

"But Stan, you broke up with your girlfriend for me… Why?"

"It's better this way, once a bitch, always a bitch."

"Do you need a hug?" Jessi extended her arms out for him.

"Yeah, I need a good long hug."

"Come on in." She wrapped her arms around his trim waist. "You smell really good."

"Thanks, I try."

"Goddamn…" She kept sniffing his neck for his cologne. She still kept smelling him even though they stopped hugging. "You guys wanna come over for a party tomorrow?"

"Totally!"

"Okay then, everybody give me your number, i'll text the people who are coming the time. Those that don't have the verification number will not be coming to the party, sound good? I just need to text my parents about this so that they'll get out of the house."

She received nods and started going through people in order to get their number. Some were incredibly happy that they got the hottest girl's number.

The day dwindled down fast, Craig and Jessi went to the mall to pick up some stuff for the party, they also went to Jimbo's to pick up some alcohol.

"Aren't you kids a bit too young to be drinkin'?"

"Nope, i've been drinking since I was 10."

"Nice… So what's this for?"

"A teenagers party."

"Take some nice pictures for me then."

"Will do Jimbo." She said as she handed the money to him.

"I don't need this, keep it and have fun!"

"You sure Jimbo?"

"Totally!"

"Wow, thanks! Bye now!"

* * *

"I'm gonna help you set everything up okay?"

"If that's what you want Craig." She sighed.

Craig stepped into the house and was greeted by a variety of colours. Blues, greens, reds, whites, it was a cute little house with interesting little trinkets lying around.

"This is a nice house…"

"Thanks sweetheart." Craig blushed more than he had ever in all 15 years of his life.

"Are you blushing?"

"N-no…"

"You are! You're so adorable!" And hugged him like she did with Butters. It made him blush redder than a tomato.

"Are you hungry?"

"N-not really but maybe just a snack will do." She made them chicken and tomato salsa wraps.

He bit into the wrap and moaned at how good it tasted, he tried to eat as slowly as possible to savor its flavour.

"How is it?" He moaned in response. "Well you finish that while I start baking for tomorrow."

To his distress, there were no more wraps, so he started setting up the decorations and pouring out the junk food in bowls, setting up all the drinks around.

"Think we need to put drugs out?"

"Yeah, just some weed will do, cigs too."

"Alright! This is gonna be a bomb ass party!" Craig couldn't help but nod.

It took nearly the entire night for everything to come together nicely, Craig almost drooled when he smelt the delicious looking baked goodies that Jessi had made.

"Can you grab some paper for me?"

"Sure, here." Craig said as he handed the lined piece of paper to the girl.

"So… Who to invite? There's you, Clyde, Token, and Tweek."

"Kevin, Broflovski, Marsh, McCormick and Stotch."

"Yeah, them too…"

"Jimmy, Timmy."

"Definitely!"

"That's about it."

"Really?! 10 people?"

"I guess so…"

"Okay then. Wanna sleep over by the way?"

"Sure, why not?"

She then put different 4 digit numbers beside each name. She then texted each and every person the digits and the time. Waiting for them to reply.


	4. It's a party!

Craig and Jessi walked together to the bus stop, Wendy and Bebe were already there looking ready to attack them, Wendy did at least.

"Are you coming over early?"

"Yeah, i'll come over after school."

"H-hey guys. W-what are you doing?" Jimmy stuttered while walking up to them.

"Just talking about the party."

"Nice…" Just then the bus pulled up, they helped Jimmy up the bus and sat together.

* * *

"Did you get Jessi's invite yet Stan?"

"Yeah! She texted me this morning!"

"So excited for this!" Kyle nearly squealed

"So excited for what fags?"

"Something that doesn't involve you!"

"Shut the Fuck up Je-"

"Guys guys guys! I was invited!"

"Nice… Want me to pick you up Ken?"

"Yes… Please…"

"What the fuck are you guys talking about?!"

"Something that doesn't involve you!"

"You know what? Screw you fags, I gotta get to class." And walked away.

"I'm actually so excited for this party!"

"Me too!"

"Kenny, stop imagining Jessi naked."

"Fuck you Kyle."

* * *

Every guy in class was practically waiting for the day to end impatiently.

"J-Jesus Christ! when is -GAH!- the day gonna end?!" Tweek screamed tugging at his hair with _way_ more force than necessary.

"Tweekers… Calm down. At this rate, you're gonna be bald before you even hit 20." Jessi soothed, rubbing the spots where Tweek pulled his hair.

"Come, we need to get to P.E."

"O-okay." They then walked down to where the change rooms were and said their farewells to each other. The second she walked in, Wendy's clique started sizing her up.

"The fuck are you doing here?"

"It's P.E, I need to change." And started stripping down. The girls eventually scattered into the gym.

"Guys, we _need_ to do something!"

"Wasn't her shirt white?"

"Yeah… I think I know where this is going Bebe…"

"Alright girls, huddle in. Here's what we're gonna do…"

"Think they're planning something Stan?"

"Probably. "

"Jessi can probably handle it herself anyways."

"Yeah, she's the bomb."

"Not a bomb, but a bombshell." Kenny giggled happily under his breath.

"Stop fantasizing Kenny, you're in Gym class in thin shorts, do you really want to be hard here?"

"Shut up Kyle."

"There's the bomb." Kyle pointed out. They all looked over to the change room entrances. There was Jessi in all her glory wearing a slim white tee and shorts that showed a good amount of leg.

Stan took one look at her gorgeous milky white thighs and promptly threw up into the nearest trash can.

"Hey guys." Jessi greet as she walked up to them "What's up with Stan?"

"That just happens sometimes when he sees something _triggering."_

"That means you, babe." Kenny flirted as he sidled up next to her.

"Are you eye-raping me Kenny?"

"I would never! But if you insist." He said while wiggling his eyebrows suggestively.

"You're such a perv Kenny!"

"Only for you darling." He smirked with his annoyingly handsome face.

"Fuck you."

"I'd love too."

"Maybe I will let you fuck me one day…"

"Really?!" Blurted Kyle and Kenny at the same time.

"Like I said, one day." And with that, she walked over to Tweek who was twitching and tugging at his hair uncontrollably over at the bleachers.

"Tweek!"

"GAH! TOO MUCH PRESSURE!"

"Aw… You're so cute." She tugged him into her arms. "Hug it to the left, hug it to the right… Feeling better baby?"

"Y-yeah." Craig and Clyde could not stop staring at the goddess in front of them. Bebe looked over to her boyfriend and was ready to kill. The girls went over their plan one last time before setting out for it.

"I need someone to fill this bucket up with water and make it quick!" The P.E teacher boomed.

"I'll do it!" Heidi Turner volunteered with giggle. She grabbed the bucket and dashed to the water fountain to fill it up for their plan.

"So then I was all like- HOLY FUCKING PIECE OF SHIT!" Jessi yelled as she suddenly got drenched in water. Everybody couldn't help but the red sports bra that was underneath.

"I-i'm so sorry Jessica!" Heidi said with fake concern.

"Fuck you." She then proceeded to _take off_ her shirt much to everybody's delight and horror. She had a perfect complexion, hourglass figure, trim waist, she was perfect in every way.

"Goddamn…" Stan said before he got a major nosebleed and passed out due to blood loss

"Is this a new version of Stan's infamous reactions!" Yelled Kyle.

"Skank."

"What was that Cartman?" She used her 'evil eye'.

"N-nothing! I didn't say shit!"

"Punk ass trying to pull shit again?"

"Wish everybody was as rational as you Kyle." He had a small blush pop into his cheeks.

"You are so adorable Kyle!"

"Gah! P-please stop!"

"Are you gonna blush to death?"

"Yes!" She then opened up her arms for a hug.

"Ugh, fine!" And gave her the biggest hug he could muster.

"You're like a teddy bear!"

"W-wha?"

"Never mind." She grumbled.

"Alright 10th graders! Time to start picking teams! Stan and Craig are team captains of Team Red and Team Blue!"

"Alright Marsh, I'll be the one to win this game and get to pick Jessi first."

"Don't think so Craig. I'll win this game and get to have Jessi on my team first."

"Fine."

"Fine."

"ROCK, PAPER, SCISSORS!" Paper beats rock, Craig wins.

"ROCK, PAPER, SCISSORS!" Rock beats scissors, Stan wins.

"Why are they yelling it out?"

"I dunno why Stan's being a dumbass and trying to outsmart his twin Jess."

"ROCK, PAPER, SCISSORS!" Scissors beat paper, Stan wins.

"That's right fucker! Now get over here Jess!" Red...

"O-okay…"

"Ugh! Get your ass over here Token!" Blue...

"Kyle!" Red...

"Tweek!" Blue..

"GAH!"

"Kenny!" Red...

"Clyde!" Blue...

"Butters!" Red…

"Oh hamburgers!"

"Kevin!" Blue...

"Jimmy!" Red...

"Timmy!" Blue...

"Ugh! Fatass!" By now there were only girls left to be chosen.

"Lola!" Red…

"Turner!" Blue…

"Nelly!" Red…

"Knitts!" Blue…

"Bebe!" Red…

"Esther!" Blue…

"Nichole!" Red…

"HA! Even we have someone black on our team Craig!"

"SHUT THE FUCK UP CARTMAN!" Token screamed at him.

"Milly!" Blue…

"Turner again!" Blue…

Only Wendy and Red were left. Stan already knew who he was gonna pick.

"Please Stan?..." Wendy fluttered her lashes at the boy, she _thought_ it was attractive, but Stan just felt nauseous.

"I already know who i'm gonna pick, and that person is…" Wendy stood up and started walking to towards him. "Red!"

"Wait, what?"

"Get your rejected ass over here Testaburger."

"Didn't think you liked looking at my ass so much Craig." She smirked, she would finally have backed the douche-canoe into a corner.

"I don't. Don't even need to look at it to know that it's fake."

"The fuck are you talking about? My ass is bigger than that bitch's!" She said pointing her finger at the 'bitch' all the while sporting a mean sneer on her face.

"First of all, Jess's ass is way bigger than yours, and hers isn't fake. It's firm and squidgy." He made grabby motions with his hand.

"Don't know _how_ you know that, but okay…" Jessi said awkwardly

"Are y'all done with talking about ass, then let's play ball!" Team Red discussed on who would be doing the tip-off and agreed to let Jessi do it.

Wendy saw who was tipping off and stomped her way over to her until she was nose to nose.

"You're going down bitch!"

"Let's go then plastic ass." Everybody started laughing at this.

"Alright bitches, on the count of three, I will toss the ball. Ready? Okay."

"One."

"Two."

"THREE!" Wendy jumped up and slapped the ball back to her side while Jessi ran past her and stole the ball that Wendy had just slapped.

"What the fuck? She's genius!"

Jessi dribbled the back repeatedly between her legs as she wove through people. It was until she was ready to dunk the was that Craig decided to intervene.

"Don't think so sweetheart." Craig winked.

Craig had _a lot_ of height on her, he was _at least_ a foot taller than her. And so, she did something that she had learned from seeing wrestling on TV. She hooked an arm over his neck and pulled herself up and slid the ball through the hoop.

"O-one point to Team Red!"

"You could have suffocated me."

"What?! How?"

"You pulled my face into your fucking jugs, how the hell am I _not_ supposed to suffocate?"

"I'm so sorry sweetheart. Hug?"

"Ugh! Fine." He then proceeded to kneel down and managed to give her a hug without getting suffocated.

"I want a hug…" Token said dejectedly.

"Jess… Can I get a hug?" Kenny begged with his best puppy dog eyes.

"Oh course you can!" She was enjoying herself until she felt a hand grope her ass.

"What the fuck are you doing Kenny?"

"Trying to find out if what Craig said was true. And you have a great ass by the way."

"You better fucking let me go right now Kenny, or I _will_ bitch slap you in your fucking face."

"Go right on ahead…"

"If you say so…" And proceeded to slap him _hard._

"Ooh… That has _got_ to hurt… Poor Kenny." Stan said with tissues stuffed up his nose.

"Oh my god! You just slapped an idea into my head! Hit me again!"

"Um, okay?..." She slapped him multiple times.

"I need all the guys to huddle together right now! That means you too Jess!"

"I'm not a guy though."

"YES YOU ARE!" Every single guy chorused. Except for Cartman. Nobody likes Cartman.

"Why the fuck is she even here? She's a fucking _girl."_

"Yeah, a girl who can beat the shit out of you Cartman!"

"BURNED!"

"You know what? Screw you guys, i'm going home." And the fatass waddled away.

"Well anyways… Remember the game we used to play when we were kids? The Stick of Truth?"

"You mean the game where you turned all Nazi zombie and shit?"

"Yeah that one."

"Okay… Go on."

"We should all play that again, find Douchebag and add Jess into the game!"

"Great idea." The guy chorused.

"How the hell are we gonna find Douchebag though, we haven't seen him since 7th grade." Stan reasoned.

"We can all just Facebook him Marsh. Speaking of Facebook, why can't I find you Jess?"

"Yeah! I was on it last night and I couldn't find you!" The Facebook loving Jew said.

"I don't have a Facebook." Time seemed to stop and everybody shut up.

"You, don't have Facebook?..."

"Yeah. I don't have Facebook."

"The first thing i'm gonna do at your house tonight is get you an account, okay?"

"Okay Craig, but I don't see why everybody is so obsessed with it."

"Everybody in South Park has a Facebook!"

"Sorry! I'm an Instagram and Twitter user!"

"At least you _have_ social media…" Kenny said with relief.

"All right fags! Get your asses to the change rooms and take a shower!"

"Butters! Make the costumes for us please!"

"Right on fellas!"

The school day dwindled down fast and school was let out, everybody rushed outside to get ready for the party, many people had brought extra stuff to bring to the party.

* * *

"Okay, now where's your computer?" Craig asked.

"I'll get it. Still don't see what the hype is all about with Facebook…" She then went upstairs to retrieve said device. They pulled up the website and proceeded to fill in the information.

 **Name: Jessica Anderson**

 **Birthday: October 23rd**

 **Address: In front of Craig's house**

"Did you really need to put that down?"

"Yeah, now everybody knows where I live."

 **Contact Information**

 **Home Number: XXX-XXX-XXXX**

 **Mobile Number: XXX-XXX-XXXX**

"Now people can stalk me."

"Exactly. Now take a picture and put it as your profile pic, then type up my name and friend me, along with every other guy in our class.

 **Jessica Anderson has just become friends with 11 people!**

 **Stan Marsh:** You finally have Facebook!

 _Kyle Broflovski and 9 others like this comment_

 **You have 4028 new Facebook friend requests.**

"What the fuck. I don't even know that many people!"

"Well apparently you do. Check out who's requesting."

 **Randy Marsh would like to be friends with you. Accept. Ignore.**

 **Scott Malkinson would like to be friends with you. Accept. Ignore.**

 **Ike Broflovski would like to be friends with you. Accept. Ignore.**

 **Henrietta Biggle would like to be friends with you. Accept. Ignore.**

 **Ned Gerblanski would like to be friends with you. Accept. Ignore.**

"Who the hell are these people?!"

"Marsh's dad, diabetes, Jew's Canadian brother, goth girl, and Jimbo's SBF."

"The fuck is an SBF?"

"Super Best Friend. It's like a BFF but on a new level."

"I guess i'll just friend everybody."

 **Jessica Anderson has just become friends with 4028 people!**

 **Kyle Broflovski:** How the fuck are you friends with everybody in my family?

 _Craig Tucker and 423 others like this comment_

 **Jessica Anderson:** I don't fucking know **Kyle Broflovski**

 **Jessica Anderson has just made an event and has invited Craig Tucker and 10 others!**

"That was nice, now I can post pictures of the party to rub in everybody's faces."

"Totally, and they should be getting here soon, it's almost 8."

 _BUZZ!_

"Who's here?" Jess opens the door and sees Stan with his dad and stacks of beer loaded into their truck.

"Sup Jess!" Stan's dad said happily.

"Hi Mr. Marsh!"

"Well anyways kids, I brought you guys a _shit_ ton of beer to get wasted on, Stan has already told me that you're an honorary guy and _the_ Queen!"

"Apparently so…"

"Dad!"

"Okay then, i'll just be going, you can stay over if you're too drunk! Take pictures too!"

"We sure will!"

"You gonna bring that beer in of what?" Craig said as he looked at the stacks hungrily.

"Oh yeah!" And they all helped to bring in the heaps of beer into the party house.

Just minutes after all the beer was put away, everybody else showed up.

"Everybody here?"

"YEAH!"

"Okay then. Time to get white girl wasted." Jess turned up her music to the loudest possible, _everybody_ could hear the music.

"Who is playing music so loudly?" Gerald Broflovski said while taking a sip out of his beer.

"They're havin' a teenagers party, take a look at the event the new girl posted on Facebook."

"I dropped my son off at her house not too long ago!" Randy shot.

"Who else is there Jimbo?"

"Well there's Craig, Kyle, Stan, Butters, Clyde, Kevin, Token, Tweek, Timmy, Jimmy and Kenny."

"She's the only girl?! Is she fucking them? Well Butters better be back before his bedtime!"

"Don't worry about Stephen, she's an honorary guy, or at least that's what Stan told me…"

* * *

They were having the time of their lives, they were drunk and high. And they're teenagers...

"Okay guys, since we're all pretty wasted, it's time to play Never Have I Ever!" Jess shouted out through her slurring.

Everybody gathered around to created something that resembled a circle.

"Okay i'll go Have I Ever felt what it was like to have a dick." Everybody drank to this. Jess span the bottle and landed on Token.

"Never Have I Ever gotten horny in the change rooms."

"Fuck you Token." Mumbled Kenny.

"Woohoo! My turn!" Clyde said excitedly. "Never Have I Ever done anything gay." Everybody was shocked when Jess had a good sip of her beer.

"You've done something lesbian?!" Someone said.

"Yeah, back in like, 7th grade, I was bi-curious and made out with a couple girls."

"That's hot…" Kenny said enviously.

"I still have footage of it on my phone."

"You do! Holy shit! You have _got_ to show us!"

"Okay, here." And so she showed them the video of her and one of her friends making out during Truth or Dare.

"We should be playing Truth or Dare! Not this shitty game!"

"YEAH!"

"Guess we're playing Truth or Dare now then…"

"I'll go first!" Stan suggested. "Token! Truth or Dare?"

"Dare!"

"I dare you to get back together with Nichole for _at least_ a month and you _have_ to do all the sappy couple shit."

"Ugh! Fine dickwad!"

"Stan! Truth or Dare?!"

"Wha? Token!"

"What's it gonna be?"

"Truth!"

"Why did you get back with Wendy every single time she asked you out?"

"Because then she would've been all bitchy and shit, I mean, did you even see the way she looked at Jess in gym today?"

"No, not really."

"Anyways… Jess! Truth or Dare?"

"Dare!"

Stan smirked at this. "Lose the shirt for 5 rounds." Jess proceeded to take off her shirt, revealing her 'assets.' The guys then whipped out their phones to take a pic for 'later.'

"Truth or Dare Kyle?"

"Dare."

"Make out with me."

"Wha?..."

"I said, make out with me." She said while leaning over him. "Take a video for me Clyde."

Kyle grabbed her waist tenderly as she proceeded to plant her lips onto his. She nibbled on his lower lip while his tongue darted out to lick at the seam between her lips, she moaned in response. He slid his tongue against hers eliciting more delicious moans until they had to pull away to breathe in sweet air into their lungs.

"That was awesome." Kyle panted between breaths.

"The more you know… Did you get all that Clyde?"

"Y-yeah…"

"Lucky bastard." Was all Kevin could get out before he passed out.

"Looks like y'all are sleeping over tonight… But let's keep playing until we're all out of it!" They all agreed.

They played until half of them had blacked out, the only people who were left at this point were Jess, Stan, Jimmy, and Craig.

"Imma just post these on Facebook real quick…" Seconds later, their phones buzzed.

 **Jessica Anderson is at her house enjoying her party with Stan Marsh and 9 others!**

 **Jessica Anderson has tagged Stan Marsh and 9 others in 37 photos!**

"Goodnight guys…" And so Jess fell asleep like Sleeping Beauty…

"I'm high as fuck right now dude…"

"I know how you feel dude…"

"Dude..."

"Dude…"

"B-b-bro…"

"Goddammit Jimmy! You fucked it up!" Craig exclaimed angrily.

"W-well we should b-be sleeping now r-right?"

"Yeah, night bitches." Stan was the last man standing and decided to drink until he passed out, which was a shit ton of bottles later was he finally able to pass out.

They would dread the day because they had gotten drunk and stoned out of their minds _and_ had school the next day. Fuck hangovers...


End file.
